Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Anxious.

Anxiety. We all get it. Unfortunately it's something for me, that I know all too well.

At the beginning of this year, I was hospitalized when I had an actual nervous breakdown. If you have been around these parts for a while, then you know that my life has flipped upside down in the past year and that I have more going on than most people.

Recently, someone told me that the key to anxiety is confronting it. Talking about it. And dealing with it one day at time.

I am going to try to write more. Blogging was always a big part of me, but as a defense mechanism I tend to retreat. Which only makes my stress level soar. So I am going to attempt to sort out my feelings more, in hopes of identifying with others and working out some of my fears and triggers.

Today though I feel great. I woke up today for the first time in nearly 2 months feeling like myself, with a clearer sense of life. I realized that most of what I am stressing about I can't change. My mom is sick, fighting for life but I can't change that outcome. We have put our faith into her team of (very well qualified) doctors and I have to trust and believe that everything will be okay. School. School is stressful. It always has been, all I can do is my best and try to harness as much of my energy into creating great things. And then there are the matters of the heart. And well, not everyone who I love is going to love me back. All I can do is recognize what I need in someone and not settle.

So with that said… today is a good day. I am at school, focused on my projects, creating, listening to music and enjoying life. Thank you to all you wonderful readers and friends who have stood by me, emailed me, and tweeted me, while I brave this epic battle with myself.

Do you suffer from anxiety or depression? If so, how do you deal?

NOW PLAYING: Institute | S/T EP




Wednesday, November 27, 2013

So it's definitely been a minute

Well there is no denying thats it's been a while since I sat down to write... I mean is anyone even out there to still read this?

Honestly, I don't know why it's taken me so long to sit down and write what I am feeling... I mean perhaps I was afraid of being judged or maybe I was just afraid that no one would understand...

To put it simply, I have lost something from inside myself... Talent? Steam? Ambition? Creativity? I'm not sure but something is definitely missing.

As we sit here on the cusp of yet another new year, I have begun to reflect on where I am. It's apparent that I have become stretched so thin that I have begun to crumble, so much so that only fragments of who I am remain.

This past year has undoubtedly been a trying one, but I am still unable to put my finger on when this parasite took over me. Perhaps it's been the never ending grim news from my moms team of doctors or losing the love of my life or being homeless or getting robbed or the never ending draining pressure that is art... Perhaps I will never know.

All I know is the Brittany that once was, will never be because all that's left of me are these sad little pieces. I have no idea who I am anymore. Or what makes me feel alive. I feel like a shell walking around completely broken on the inside, unable to create, unable to see myself, unable to do anything except look for the exit.

2014 where are you?

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Loss

Today would have been your birthday and man there are so many things I wish I could share with you, but most of all I just wish I could hug you and hear your laugh once again. 

Today should be a day filled with joy and celebrating but instead we are all still in mourning. It's been nearly 5 years but to me it still feels like yesterday. This shit still isn't any easier. Sometimes I still get the urge to call you, your number still in my phone because I am unable to delete it. Being back at my parents is hard, sometimes I  sit on the edge of bed where we shared so many conversations and I just sit and cry. Perhaps someday I will find solace in those beautiful moments we shared as young women trying to figure out the world.

Sometimes I wonder who you would have become and when I cross milestones in my life I feel a weight and tremendous sadness because I know you will never be there to share in it with me. 

I would trade anything to have 5 more minutes with you because this life feels so empty without you. I wish you would have known deeply you'd be missed. 

I'll never take this life for granted, I'm living it for two...


In loving memory of 
Adrienne "Brody" Banks
June 25, 1985 - December 20, 2008
May the pain this life caused you, not be carried into the next

To learn more about suicide, depression, self mutilation, warning signs, prevention, or World Suicide Awareness Day please visit www.TWLOHA.com 

If you or someone you know may be suicidal please call The National Hopeline 1(800)SUICIDE or The National Suicide Lifeline 1(800)273-TALK


Friday, July 12, 2013

Life of an Artist


Well school officially started this week and while I missed 3 of my 4 classes for scheduling adjustments and whatnot, I am completely overwhelmed already.

I am hoping that as this term goes on that I am able to get into a groove much like I did last term. While school is a priority I am hoping that I don't have to sacrifice too much of my "me" time to make it work.

This quarter,  I am taking Rapid Visualization, Applications and Industry, Typography and Photo Manipulation, which is the class I am most excited about.

This weekend, I will be spending it drawing thumbnails (artistic brain storms) and learning how to draw   traditional fonts. As always, I tend to post pictures on Instagram so if you'd like to keep with my life in pictures click HERE to add me!

I hope you have a great week, be kind to each other!


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A friendly little reminder

Once again, I was reminded today that life is short. Make sure that the people you love, know it.


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