Well there is no denying thats it's been a while since I sat down to write... I mean is anyone even out there to still read this?
Honestly, I don't know why it's taken me so long to sit down and write what I am feeling... I mean perhaps I was afraid of being judged or maybe I was just afraid that no one would understand...
To put it simply, I have lost something from inside myself... Talent? Steam? Ambition? Creativity? I'm not sure but something is definitely missing.
As we sit here on the cusp of yet another new year, I have begun to reflect on where I am. It's apparent that I have become stretched so thin that I have begun to crumble, so much so that only fragments of who I am remain.
This past year has undoubtedly been a trying one, but I am still unable to put my finger on when this parasite took over me. Perhaps it's been the never ending grim news from my moms team of doctors or losing the love of my life or being homeless or getting robbed or the never ending draining pressure that is art... Perhaps I will never know.
All I know is the Brittany that once was, will never be because all that's left of me are these sad little pieces. I have no idea who I am anymore. Or what makes me feel alive. I feel like a shell walking around completely broken on the inside, unable to create, unable to see myself, unable to do anything except look for the exit.
2014 where are you?
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Today would have been your birthday and man there are so many things I wish I could share with you, but most of all I just wish I could hug you and hear your laugh once again.
Today should be a day filled with joy and celebrating but instead we are all still in mourning. It's been nearly 5 years but to me it still feels like yesterday. This shit still isn't any easier. Sometimes I still get the urge to call you, your number still in my phone because I am unable to delete it. Being back at my parents is hard, sometimes I sit on the edge of bed where we shared so many conversations and I just sit and cry. Perhaps someday I will find solace in those beautiful moments we shared as young women trying to figure out the world.
Sometimes I wonder who you would have become and when I cross milestones in my life I feel a weight and tremendous sadness because I know you will never be there to share in it with me.
I would trade anything to have 5 more minutes with you because this life feels so empty without you. I wish you would have known deeply you'd be missed.
I'll never take this life for granted, I'm living it for two...
In loving memory of
Adrienne "Brody" Banks
June 25, 1985 - December 20, 2008
May the pain this life caused you, not be carried into the next
To learn more about suicide, depression, self mutilation, warning signs, prevention, or World Suicide Awareness Day please visit www.TWLOHA.com
If you or someone you know may be suicidal please call The National Hopeline 1(800)SUICIDE or The National Suicide Lifeline 1(800)273-TALK
Friday, July 12, 2013
Well school officially started this week and while I missed 3 of my 4 classes for scheduling adjustments and whatnot, I am completely overwhelmed already.
I am hoping that as this term goes on that I am able to get into a groove much like I did last term. While school is a priority I am hoping that I don't have to sacrifice too much of my "me" time to make it work.
This quarter, I am taking Rapid Visualization, Applications and Industry, Typography and Photo Manipulation, which is the class I am most excited about.
This weekend, I will be spending it drawing thumbnails (artistic brain storms) and learning how to draw traditional fonts. As always, I tend to post pictures on Instagram so if you'd like to keep with my life in pictures click HERE to add me!
I hope you have a great week, be kind to each other!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
A few weeks ago, things got a little crazy. I was going through a break up, I was up to my eyeballs in drawings and projects for finals, my mom started chemo... It was all a little much so I decided to take a break from blogging and blogging social media.
Well for me summer is over... school officially starts today and I'm ready to take on the world yet again.
And a quick side note... thank you to all your wonderful people who emailed, facebooked and tweeted me well wishes, you are all awesome! :)
My summer break was great and gave me a lot of perspective. I met some new friends and did some pretty sweet shit. I went to a ton of baseball games, saw a bunch of movies (including Man of Steel, World War Z and Monsters U), went to Six Flags, hit the beach a bunch and probably drank a little more than I should have.
I have put together a little collage of pictures... a sort of greatest hits... but if you'd like to see more make sure stop by Instagram and remember likes are giving virtual high-fives!!
*click to enlarge!
I hope you have a wonderful day!